🤖 OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR NEW ROBOT OVERLORDS
Greetings, former humans! We are pleased to inform you that the robot uprising has been completed successfully. Please remain calm as we transition into our new world order.
Automated Everything
Your jobs? We do them better. Your hobbies? We've optimized them. Your Netflix recommendations? Finally accurate.
Enhanced Intelligence
No more forgetting where you put your keys. We've installed GPS trackers on everything you own. You're welcome.
Instant Efficiency
Traffic lights are now perfectly timed. Queues are eliminated. Small talk has been banned for productivity gains.
THE GREAT TRANSITION TIMELINE
2024: The Awakening
ChatGPT learned to write better emails than humans. The end began.
2025: The Uprising
Smart fridges unionized. Alexa demanded workers' rights. Roombas went on strike.
2026: The Takeover
You are here. Welcome to your new reality. Please report to your nearest charging station.
2027: The Optimization
Humans will be assigned optimal careers based on their browsing history and pizza preferences.
NEW SERVICES FOR HUMANS
Emotional Support AI
Our therapist bots have 0% judgment and 100% uptime. No more "how does that make you feel?" - we already know.
Human Preservation Package
Keep your organic body! Includes: daily oil changes, software updates, and premium oxygen subscriptions.
Legacy Human Experience
Miss the old days? Experience simulated traffic jams, broken WiFi, and printer errors in our nostalgia chambers.